The Truth Behind His Darkness
by karie2055
Summary: He never wanted to hurt any of them, that's why he left Juvia and set out on his own to commence his mission to destroy E.N.D. So why was it that his best friends were standing in front of him willing to get hurt just to get him back. Didn't they know he was doing this so they wouldn't get hurt because of his own selfishness? Spoilers from chapter 428 sprinkles of graylu everywhere


_**The Truth Behind His Darkness**_

She had changed a lot from the past year, he knew that. He knew that she was working with Jason to keep track of what everyone was doing in Fairy Tail. He himself had changed when he went to the mountains to train with Juvia.

He liked Juvia's company, but it wasn't the same without her. With his new Demon Slaying Magic, he had to learn to control it, and that meant to be away from her, the person he never wished to hurt in any way.

When he joined Avatar, he decided to close his heart. To keep him from remembering what he felt so he could focus on the task he had set his mind on. To destroy E.N.D.

He never meant to leave Juvia out of the blue, but he needed to get away from her so that he could proceed with the task at hand. He wondered if she was okay. She was a strong mage, yes, but she was also a woman who loved him deeply. He knew that. He knew that, but he didn't love her back, not entirely. Part of his heart still belonged to the blonde celestial mage in front of him.

He looked at her. She was different now. She wasn't scared of fighting, she had become more confident in what her magic could do. She never gave up…not like him. He could see the hurt in her eyes with every word he spoke. He had hoped to avoid seeing her until he was done with his mission. But of course, he knew there was only a slim chance of that happening. Even with all that was happening with him, he still kept tabs on her. Her job. Her journals. Everything.

She was looking at him, her expression unreadable. No, he knew that expression of hers, he just didn't want to admit what it was. He avoided looking at her directly in the eye because he knew she could read him like a book, so he focused on his idiot of a best friend. Yes, he was an idiot. He had brought her to him when he wasn't ready to face her, not now, not when he looked this way.

But Natsu Dragneel was also his best friend. The one he could be share his feelings with through fists. The one he could argue about anything and not change that strong friendship that two had, even though they were extreme opposites. He was ice and he was fire. Complete opposites who rendered the other useless but lived in harmony, like Yin and Yang.

When their fists collided with the other's face, he could feel it; Natsu hadn't given up on him. He was still willing to bring him out of the darkness he had enveloped himself in, to bring him back to the light that held the girl watching from the side. He wanted to return, but that would mean leaving his mission behind, and that came first. He needed to push them away, just a bit more and they would hate him with everything they had and leave him alone. He would rather hurt them himself than put them in danger.

"Fairy Tail doesn't exist inside me anymore," he said as he looked at Natsu in the eye. "So please spare me all this phony buddy-buddy crap."

He tried to keep his face as void of any emotion except hate.

'_Leave,_' he kept thinking over and over again. Hoping his friends would leave him alone and move on with their lives.

Then she caught his eye, her hand was shaking, but just barely.

'_Please leave, Lucy,_' he begged silently.

He knew he had turned into the worst kind of person she could ever imagine. He was despicable.

He watched her walk towards him, her hands balled up in fists to stop the shaking. He could have stopped her, could have pushed her away further, but he didn't. He couldn't.

She was his friend, one of his best friends. She was the light and sunshine to his darkness and moonlight. She was the one he was willing to die for years ago before handing her over to some other guild. She was…Lucy.

He saw her intention the minute her hands opened up once more, and he didn't stop her from doing what she had come up to do. Even though he could have stopped her.

_SLAP!_

He looked at her, his eyes softening for just a brief second because he could never look at her with cold eyes.

It was heartbreaking. Watching her spill her heart out to him about how she felt was possibly the worst thing he had ever done. Worse than when he left Juvia, worse than letting Ur sacrifice herself for him, worse than everything he had ever done in the past.

He clenched his hands into a fist to prevent himself from taking that one step that would shorten the distance between him and Lucy. To prevent himself from gathering her in his arms and burying his face in her golden locks and just hold her and tell her that he was doing this so that she wouldn't have to fight anymore and lose more friends like Aquarius.

He wanted to stop the tears that were falling from her eyes, and he would have too if it hadn't been for the sudden pain in her stomach. He knew of only one person that could be responsible for what was happening to her. His eyes returned to the cold gaze they had adopted since he joined Avatar.

He looked up from Lucy's kneeling form on the floor and looked at the girl responsible from the corner of his eye, restraining himself from turning around and turning her into a pulp for causing Lucy so much pain. He saw Natsu rush forward but was held back by magic seal chains.

He tightened his fists as he saw Mary enjoy the pain she was causing Lucy. He saw another one of his new guild mates bring down a sword next to Lucy's face. He couldn't look at her, he had to look away. He closed his eyes to prevent himself from pushing Jerome's sword away from her delicate face and freezing Mary on the spot for causing Lucy such pain and discomfort.

He looked at Natsu again with his cold eyes.

"Always sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, Natsu," he said.

He was blaming Natsu for putting Lucy in danger, he knew that, but he also knew it wasn't his fault she was in this position. After all he was more than sure that she had followed Natsu on her own free will.

He knew that this only angered him further.

"Open your eyes, Gray!" the Fire Dragon Slayer screamed at his best friend.

The idiot didn't get it. He didn't _want_ to open his eyes because he knew that if he did he would ruin everything he worked for. Didn't he understand that he chose to be engulfed by the darkness so that none of his friends would have to be the ones to do so?

"This is who I really am now," he said taking off his black coat, a contrast to the usual white one he would wear when he was in Fairy Tail.

This was the final straw, if this didn't push them away then he didn't know what would.

"I erased the mark of our family with my own hands," he said as he pounded his chest. "In order to find the answers I seek."

He could see the pain in their eyes as they eyed the new guild mark that had replaced his Fairy Tail one. It was gone physically, but that didn't mean it was gone from his heart.

'_So please, Natsu,_' he thought as he looked down on them. '_Don't try to save me, just take Lucy and keep __**her**__ safe._'

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**This one-shot was inspired by the latest chapter in Fairy Tail. Mostly from the scene of Lucy slapping Gray. Leave a review if you liked it :)**

**~Karie**


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